Recently, I had lost a person in my life who I considered a good friend. This person and I did everything together which for me , I did not realize the impact they had on every aspect of my life until the friend was no longer in the picture. During the process of losing this friend , I had made and lost others in the process too , which looking back when I made them they were not always in the healthiest situations. Like any type of relationship it takes work, but also communication is key in order navaigate how can relate your feelings and concerns to your friends.
Making friends as an adult is as equally as hard as a child growing up today. I hate to say it people just don’t make friends like they used to. But how people make friends is no different than when you were a child. People are attracted to what you have , if it money, power of some sort or just be able to do things for them. You could just be that over all person who has it together everyone wants to be your friend. Its hard even in adulthood to make friends and navigate realtaionships with concerns you might just be getting used.
With my recent friendship breakup, the impact it had on my children is what cause a concern for me. I am momma bear and I protect my cubs from pain and hurt. When they see mom has friends they have friends too. When friend leaves without some sort of reasoning in a child mind they can look how they should be navigating realationships with their own peers. Its hard to explain to a child why a person or people are in their life for a moment without telling them the full story. In many cases it might seem trival but it may not be something you can explain to your child at that time.
Today, I want to teach my daughter and son ways I could have made these relationships better. Could they have changed the outcome as to what would have happened ? These are questions I ask myself everyday but what I want is for my children to know how to navigate relationship and not get hurt. For me these tips are ways I help my children to establish a better connection for he right way to have healthy friendships.
Have an “Open Door “ policy- With both my children in various age groups they have to know I am always there. Each child is going to express themselves in getting their concerns heard and points across. These special moments are equally important because your kids need to know you are their for them. Give them your time and attention you might actually learn a piece of what is going on in their little worlds.
Know who your child’s friends are- This is more than you speaking to the child but you also need to get to know their families. Learning about this individual and where he or she may come from can clue you in as what influences they may have with your child. If your child is normally a quiet individual and all of a sudden they become different this is a concern of something thing happening within their friendship. This will cause for you to pay attention more.
Encourage your kids to make friends with common interest– Its great to have friends to like each and everything you like but it is also nice to have friend that like different things too. Making friends is hard but easier when they all have a common goal. If they are in an activity doing something productive it’s a less chance they will get in to trouble.
Be the model to your child show them a healthy relationship- Kids learn from what they see. If they see you having irratic relationships their relationships will most likely be the same. Showing how you navigate through your own relationships will can can make the difference in your childs life.
Teach your child how to see in to people- My grandmother used to say ,” a friend is nothing but a dollar in your pocket. If you have dollars you will always have friends.” Today this can been see as a loaded statement. To a child if they have things they will have friends or if they have nothing they will have no friends. As much as I respected the ways my grandmother taught me this can not apply fully if you want your kids to see if a person is truly their friend or not. Teaching them they have to listen and be open but also learn not to be impulsive or get caught in a sitituation is what will help your child navigate through this moment.
All these tips are ones I should have used in my recent relationships. Its one of those things you do live in learn. I have learned from my relationships is that in order to protect from getting in to futher unhealthy relationships is to use these tips and teach my kids before they have unhealthy one’s themselves.
So tell me, what are some tips you use with your children in order to navigate through a healthy friendships?